“ Yield. Submit. Let Go of your own agenda. Don’t chase after available men. Humble yourself. Watch. Pray. Listen. Obey. Then sit back in wonder as God does His amazing work.”
I remember in my early twenties I was on a hard search for a boyfriend. I was so desperate for love, I just wanted somebody to call me their girlfriend so bad. I wanted to belong, to be needed and wanted so bad that some decisions that I made only led me to a place of brokenness and heart-break. I had this nameless longing in my heart, that I thought at that time could be filled by some human being who would take me out, buy me roses and hopefully eventually make me their wife. I thought being someone’s wife was all life was about. I thought a relationship with a man was the answer to life. I didn’t want to be one of those girls who reaches her thirties or forties still waiting and hoping for Mr.Right to come. I had heard some really bad jokes about how life suddenly gets tough when you reach your thirties because you are now “stale” and there is more fresh produce on the shelf. That’s really not true:)
So l did what l guess most girls would do, l took matters into my own hands and went searching for this guy that l supposedly “share a rib with.” As you probably guessed, that did not end well. The relationship was filled with so much insecurity, fear, discontent, dissatisfaction and so on. I was incomplete and NOT because I was single but because l had not made Jesus Christ Lord over all the areas of my life. God had to make me understand that a relationship with a man, a job,a degree, being a wife by itself would never give me the satisfaction that I needed. What I needed was to make Jesus Christ the first and best in my life. That wasn’t an easy period at all. I went through a time of brokenness, loneliness and utter heart-break because I did not understand just what God was trying to accomplish in my life. I had to understand that it is ONLY in Jesus Christ that my life can be whole, that l can be complete. One of my favourite verses is Colossians 2:9-10 which states “For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are COMPLETE in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” When we have Jesus Christ we have everything we need, we are complete in Him. Honestly if I was to be married then at that time, I would have been a total drain and nightmare to my husband because I would be expecting Him to fill a longing in my heart that only God can fill. He was going to be one frustrated man.
Now that I’m a little older and have spent time with Jesus l now understand that a woman’s role is not to complete a man but to complement Him. Only Jesus Christ completes, that is His responsibility mine is to be a helpmeet, to stand by and complement my future husband. I lived in fear for a few years worried sick about whether I was one day going to find a husband and have children. Because of this fear I was doing things that I shouldn’t really be doing. For example, I would scout for the church with the most “potential” when it comes to single guys, I would attend youth events, music concerts, conferences, retreats all for the wrong reasons. Spending untold amounts of time in front of the mirror trying to perfect my face and hairstyle just saw that fine-looking brother would look at me (never worked) lol! I would spend my friday evenings more concerned about what I was going to wear and look like than I would reading my sabbath school lesson and preparing my heart. I was doing things so that I could be “seen” by my potential guy. My motives were totally wrong.
The truth is that if God wants to give you a man, He does not need your help, your special preparations or traps. God wants to give you the best, all you need to do as a single woman is to surrender every aspect of your life into His hands. Give it to God.He knows your past, present and future and He will give you only the best if you truly trust and depend on Him.
As women it is not our place to pursue and go searching for a man, our job is to prepare our inner self. To work on our character and our calling in this life. To prepare ourselves to be a helpmeet, meaning learn how to cook, clean, sew and all that other stuff. When God knows that you are ready for the commitment of a relationship He will bring somebody to you, who will pursue you and love you as Christ loves the church. This is not to say, you are supposed to hide yourself away from the world and all available men, no, just stop the search and focus on Jesus as the saying goes “…You should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek Him just to find you..”
Maybe you are attending a church that does not have that many potential single brothers, or maybe your work, school, or town has a shortage of man. Do not fret. Do not fear. Have faith in God. If God wants you married He will orchestrate that encounter on your behalf. He will bring that man to town, sometimes you won’t even see it happening. God is not limited by our circumstances or our geographical location. The same God who brought Eve to Adam and Rebekah to Isaac will bring your future husband to you. Do you want to find a godly guy? Then focus on pouring your life out for Jesus and leave everything else to Him. Satan wants to make you fear and feel like God has forgotten about you and He cannot be trusted but truth is that if there is anybody in this life who deserves our 101% trust it is Jesus Christ. Hold your head high, be faithful in the place that God has called you. Fall in love with Jesus Christ, make Him your best friend.
Wherever you are or whatsoever your circumstances may be remember that God has your best interest at heart. He has not lost your address or forgotten your name. Whenever you feel fearful of the future, steal away sometime and spend time with God. Let Him reassure you, encourage you and love you. Find your completeness in Him and “cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
Maybe you are in a relationship that is heading towards marriage or you are not so sure what exactly is going on. Stay on your knees. Keep God as the centre of your relationship. Most importantly remember that God wants you to be fully devoted to Him first with your whole life. Remember what God says in Deuteronomy 5:7, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” God deserves our highest praise and highest affection. Giving somebody your devotion and affection above God is a form of idolatry and l guess one of the biggest temptations we have as couples who are either courting or engaged is the tendency to worship our partners. This is very easy to do by neglecting our duty to God and making this person the very reason and focus of our life. God has to remain our first priority and first love and we are not to seek to elevate our partner above God at all. Our devotion to God should be the most important thing in our life.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalms 27:14