“Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? (Proverbs 6:27-28)
I remember when l was young and a scene would come on TV of two people kissing. I would shut my eyes so tight because to me that was something my little eyes should not be witnessing. Even those moments when the adults around me would decide to talk about a young women expecting a baby out of wedlock that was something l didn’t want to comprehend or visualise because l knew the process to getting that baby involved some kissing. Then l grew up. I imagined and visualised what kissing is or would feel like. I would sit in front of the TV and not close my eyes anymore but instead watch with interest to see what actually happens when people’s lips touch. Let’s fast forward to today, I am a lot more mature than l was and no, l don’t sit in-front of the TV and wonder how these things happen. I mean, we learnt it in biology right? lol!
On a serious note, as my relationship with God grew l realised among many other things that kissing comes as a package. God never intended kissing to be used as a means of entertainment, winning hearts or as a test run of future sexual compatibility. Kissing is in fact much more intimate than you may realise. You are placing your flesh against somebody else’s flesh, mixing up your breath with their breath. I won’t even go into any more details because l believe we all get the picture. Kissing is basically having sex with your clothes on. A lot of us young women may say, “oh well, l will just kiss and not have sex with him” but as Doug wilson said, “why preheat the oven when you can’t cook the roast?” Kissing will always lead to more and to be honest you are may be cheating the world and escaping pregnancy and STD’s but you can never cheat God.
Its more than just about kissing your boyfriend, its more to do with your heart’s condition. If you feel you can disobey God just a little by stealing kisses here and there and feel its okay since you are not going all the way. You need to check your heart and see where your loyalty truly lies. Truth is when our hearts are right with God, we will be concerned with what is truly pure and how we can glorify God with our bodies. We will want our acts of affection towards the opposite sex to be a reflection of the fact that God is first in our lives. Until that is the case, you will never realise what is wrong with kissing somebody you are not married to. A young lady sent me this email below and asked me to share it on the blog. This is a simple testimony to show you that not everybody is doing it. Some young women are fearlessly guarding their purity and relationships.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years and a couple days and we haven’t kissed. The furthest we have gone is holding hands.
Let me answer some key questions before I carry on:
Do I want to kiss him? Yes of course! I am human.
Is he surviving? Yes and just so you know I am not torturing him, it was a joint decision (I think he was the first to bring up the no kissing thing before we started going out/courting).
So why? Why am I not kissing my boyfriend before I marry him?
In my few years of life (21 to be exact), I’ve noticed that after I kiss someone the atmosphere becomes intense, I’m tempted to do much more and emotions temporarily run high. So, because of that I decided that I didn’t want to kiss him as soon as we started going out. Just to clarify I didn’t originally say I didn’t want to kiss him until I got married I just knew that I couldn’t kiss him straight away because I knew the effect it would have and I didn’t want that to happen. After around 8 months of being together we both decided to wait until marriage.
So before we got together we agreed that in the first few months of our relationship kissing was a no-no. We both acknowledged that God had convicted us about kissing so we chose to obey. A couple of months down the line he asked if he could kiss my cheek and I declined, not because I didn’t want his lips on my face because I really did but because I knew that once his lips came into contact with any part of my body I didn’t think it would end there. Call me weak, but I know the reality, my flesh is weak. I was not going to let him kiss me in order to prove a point about how strong I was, I prefer to flee from temptation. Those encounters were in the first six months of our relationship and we have now been together two years and we still have not kissed, so how did we do it? And why are we doing it?
How did we do it?
Literally by God’s grace, His wisdom, discretion and our deliberate intention.
God’s grace: God has been gracious to give us the strength to overcome, the desire to kiss is natural. It is not simply our will power and self-control that has stopped us from kissing.
Discretion: When I look into his eyes I think I can kind of tell when he wants to kiss me so I pull away, it’s a nice feeling to know that he wants me but I know what he truly wants and what we’ve agreed so when he’s weak, I’m strong for him. And its the same for me. Its little disciplines like for example, we do not hug for long periods of time because we will not want to let go and we know we will end up kissing.
Why am I doing this?
So some would say, why am I torturing my boyfriend or why am I torturing myself? I certainly don’t think I’m torturing either one of us but I won’t lie and tell you that it is easy. There have been so many times that I have texted my friend telling her how much I want to kiss him or how I don’t know how to express my love for him. But I am doing this because I want to give God glory. I really do think God is pleased that we have shown not only ourselves but our friends and family how gracious and strong He is. For 2 years we have experienced God’s strength in our relationship as He has given us the strength to have self control over our sexual desire.
What have I learnt from the experience so far?
1. God is gracious; this accomplishment is not because my boyfriend and I are extra special or we have more self-control than others but it is because God has mercy on us, He answered and is still answering our prayers on giving us the help that we need, being the centre of our relationship and being an example to others.
2. Repeatedly overcoming the temptation to kiss him has taught me that I can continue to overcome this and other temptations that I face.
3. It has taught me to take each day at a time; when I worry about how much more I will love him and how I want to kiss him next week I get a headache so I focus on today and how God will help me overcome today. Our Only goal in all this to is seek to give God glory in this area of our lives.
I smiled when l read that, there are still a lot of young women out there who are guarding their purity and guarding their hearts. You are worth so much more than a casual kiss from a random guy who hasn’t even publicly declared his love for you. You know those times when a store has a bargain table, the stuff is cheap because it’s been touched by everybody and possibly not in the best original condition anymore. You don’t want your body or your lips to be a cheap bargain. It’s worth everything to you. Don’t let it be “up for grabs”. Jesus Christ died for you, the holy spirit lives within you. Your body is the temple of the Lord. I know you’ve probably heard it a thousand times before but stop and intentionally think about it the next time someone wants to stick their tongue in your mouth.
Truth is our kisses are valuable, they are worth guarding. With every kiss that you willingly give away, you give a little part of yourself away as well. Our physical bodies and our emotions are all tied together and we can never separate the two. Stop giving away your heart in bits. Save your kisses, store them up for the person that God has for you. Maybe you’ve kissed so many frogs in your life and are hoping to kiss a few more to finally get to your prince, my challenge for you is to stop. With Jesus, its never too late to start afresh. Repent and ask God for forgiveness. Ask Him to help you to be patient and wait upon Him. God doesn’t tell us to keep ourselves pure because he wants to keep something nice from us, but because he wants to protect us and give us only the best. People may roll their eyes at your decision to not kiss your boyfriend until you are married but who would you rather please, God or man? Don’t get pulled into the tide, not everyone is doing it. Wait for God’s best for your life.
This is our FIRST CHALLENGE for 2015! I challenge you this year to sit down with your boyfriend even if you’ve already kissed, make the decision to not kiss anymore until the day you get married. Remember “Anything physically that you save for marriage will only be more beautiful and fulfilling as time goes on. Anything that you experience beforehand will eventually loose its luster.” God created those desires within you and who better to go to for help than the manufacturer himself? Don’t let the devil tell you a lie, that you have to test before you buy and all that rubbish. Trust God. He knows whats best for you. Pray together about this decision and ask God to forgive you and bless your relationship and to help you as you start this new journey together. Ask God to fight for you, to give you strength and to send you some accountability partners. Even if your still single, if some smart handsome guy comes along, have clear boundaries from the very first day. You will not regret this decision. God is faithful; If you honour Him, he will honour you and bless your future marriage with happiness and pure rich romance that can only come from him. And remember one of the best promises in the bible 1 Corinthians 10:13;
“NO temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
Trust in God. Rely on Him. Have confidence in Him. He will keep you and sustain you until the beautiful day the young man publicly declares you as his wife. I made the decision and l’ve taken up the challenge. This year and all the following years coming, take the challenge too. I would love to kiss him.. but I won’t. You shouldn’t too. You are a Woman Set Apart! Keep your eyes focused on Jesus Christ!